As I was waking up this morning I knew that I wanted to get to church on time for fast and testimony meeting. Even with that goal in mind, it seemed so impossible getting ready for church this morning... and chasing Liam down, etc. I was at my wit's end when I finally got Liam in his car seat.
We rushed into the chapel 5 minutes or so late. Actually just in time to sing the sacrament hymn, so we were in good shape I guess. The song didn't get me to the calm place I wanted to be... renewing my covenants was a motorized motion and not a thoughtful process like I wanted either.
The Bishop got up to thank the Priesthood for passing the sacrament and invited them to sit with their families.
And then it happened. He started to bear his testimony. I was suddenly filled and knew I should get up to share mine as well.
I went up after a couple others and stood there with no words. Well I had words, but they weren't meaningful ones I had played out in my head of the last month's events and experiences. I've had so much happen that has been special and focused to my needs. And all I ended up uttering was how grateful I was for the gospel and that answers to prayers are granted when we are striving to please our Heavenly Father. Certainly a good message, but I wished that I could pour out my heart of all the specifics. I knew I couldn't fit it all in or even explain why my experiences were so unique and wonderful (and testimony meeting is for bearing testimony, not retelling stories anyway).
After I bore testimony of eternal families and how important it is to teach Liam the gospel so we can be together after this life... I made a point to thank my husband for his friendship.
I didn't share this, but Ian has really stepped up to the plate these past few months. He has been, honestly, my girlfriend in my times of need lately. I don't expect him to understand all sides of what I, as a woman, need, but he's done that in a time that I have needed it most. I don't have what Anne would call "kindred spirits" close by and having Ian to physically lean on has been so important to me. I've not had to feel so alone when I usually would because my close friends aren't there to "rescue" me. Ian's been here, taking care of me, taking care of Liam, making meals, doing chores, granting favors and LISTENING to me. He even comforted me last Sunday when I couldn't fight the tears over President Hinckley. I have felt so loved and comforted by my husband. How blessed I am to have him.
The other thing I wanted to share, but couldn't, is about the temple. I was hoping there would be time for me to share this in Relief Society, as they usually leave a few minutes for testimonies then, but they didn't and I really was disappointed. I felt what I had to share was important and then questioned if it really was (when I didn't get my chance).
I went to the temple on January 19th. It had been over two years since I had attended prior to that. Having a baby put me in a constant want for sleep and added down time when Sundays came around. Up until Liam was 8 months old, I didn't make an effort to go to church much.
When he was 8 months old, I was called to be a Nursery worker. Boy, the Lord knew what I needed! That got me to church for at least 2 hours each Sunday and Liam was allowed to attend with me in my calling. It wasn't until July 2007 that I started making an honest effort to attend sacrament meeting with Liam (all three hours of church). I tried so hard to get there and when I did it, I was so proud of myself. I felt added blessings when Liam was good during sacrament meeting too.
In September, I was able to get my temple recommend. I felt so much peace to have that card in hand. I had hoped to attend prior to Christmas, but it never worked out. January came and a day to myself came too. I attended. I was uplifted more than I can explain. And ever since then I've been reminded of my experience daily. There are phrases used in passing, things people will say without knowing it, visual cues, all sorts of reminders of the temple and the work done there. I feel it to be a motivation for me personally from my Heavenly Father, to hurry back to that sacred place and learn more. This truly is a blessing, an answer to a prayer never uttered. I do hope I can make time soon to go back.
So, if you read this whole post, thank you. I didn't intend for it to be so long winded, but it is what it is. Good night!