Downer Alert - Open for discussion

Do you ever think to yourself, "what would happen to my child if I died tomorrow?"

Today I thought this to myself more than once. A few times in fact. What a painful thing to pop into one's head!

What does this say about me? I must think I am a pretty great caretaker, because my main concern is who would raise Liam and how well they would do it. It hurts my heart to think that if something happened to me, even if it were not death, that I could possibly not be able to care for my son in the way I want him cared for.

My heart went out to paralyzed parents who can't quite reach out and cuddle their kids like they crave to.

My heart hurt for parents who passed on way too early and (maybe from above) watched their children suffer because of their absence.

I am not saying that Liam doesn't have a great dad to take care of him, he does. But men aren't moms for a reason. Moms do a lot of extras. Extras I sorely missed when I finally moved out of my parent's home. Extras that I already serve up to Liam.

I am too tired to expound on this tonight. Tell me your thoughts on the matter. Life insurance money not being mentioned. Money has little to do with the tender loving care of your children when you are not around.

16 comments:

Tori :) said...

I actually stress about this. I know Taj and Liv would be fine because they would have Sei. He said he would move to Texas if something happened to me so they would be close to my parents. But Tristan, Alec and Isabel would most likely be sent by the state to live with a man they hardly know. It makes me sick to my stomach.

The Wooden Porch said...

I worry about this all the time. Every single night I lay awake and if I don't read myself to sleep, I think up all the horrific ways my kids can die. So I don't think it's weird at all. I wish I knew how to shut my mind off, but I've had this problem for years. Before my kids, it was my husband I was worried about. It got worse after Tank was born because how would I save both of them? Who do I leave behind if an army showed up at my front door to kill us and we needed to run out the back door? I couldn't carry both. I know that's dumb, but late at night I can't reason with my mind.

Daisy said...

How weird that I was thinking that myself just yesterday too (monday). I took Luke to his eye doc appt and was walking out and all the sudden started thinking what would happen if I died. Oh horrible! It made me want to cry just thinking that I wouldn't be able to raise them and they would forget me. Who would put little Lukie to bed and no one would be there to nurse him anymore.

I know that I am VERY glad that I still live close to my mom. I miss my sisters that live in Utah and wish I lived closer but I wouldn't trade it for living close to my mom.

Stepherz said...

This thought bothers me from time to time. The quote you use in your e-mails is what helps me. I bet you never knew how helpful that quote is, but it has helped me cope with so many of my worries, especially where my kids are concerned.

"Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

I've been meaning to thank you for that. I just have to trust that God knows, and that He not only looks out for me, but for my kids with and without me. Faith.

Katie said...

Josh and I have a will drawn up to state where we want our kids to go if we were both gone. We've talked to each other about remarriage in case one of us dies. We're close enough to both sets of grandparents that they would be able to help. It's not the same as a parent, but it's better than nothing.

Kayelyn said...

I have thought about this. I actually chose a friend of mine from High School to raise my kids. She would love them, take care of them, and take them to church. Being the only sibling that is a parent, my sibs aren't an option and my mom would have a hard time with all of them. It is very stressing to her when she has to juggle everything that my kids require. Require because of the love and understanding I choose to give them. I am after all raising future leaders and compassionate children. I find that my family is not as patient and understanding when my kids are struggling with something (like mom & dad going on a cruise) and they treat them like little adults qather than children who just need some extra gentle understanding because they miss mom.

So, yeah, I have thought about this. I don't fear death for me, I fear my death for my children; much more than I fear their death. If they die, then I KNOW that they are in good hands and are safe from the evil of this world.

Terry said...

Oh, I worry soooo much about this very topic too. It took so long for David and I to decide who we would like to raise our kids if we both died. It was such a relief when we finally picked someone. David is a great dad too but these kids so need me. I literally pray every day that I will live to raise my kids.

I worry about my kids dying too. When I was pregnant (hormones!) I would actually cry while I was driving down the freeway because I would think, "What if that truck behind me rear-ended me and killed my baby riding in the back seat?"

However, while I have entertained the terrible what ifs about my babies dying, I have spent a lot more time worrying about them if I died.

I am glad you posted about this. I like reading all the Mommy's comments. Its nice to know that I am not the only one stressed about this.

Terry said...

BTW, You have won a bloggy award! Check out my blog for more info!

Melody said...

Yes, please do link to my site. Thanks!

I worried about this issue also so we did a Will. It helps to know the kids will be well cared for by someone of our choosing. We also told the kids (17 and 12) what would happen if something happened to us. I think, as responsible parents, we need to face the possibility of this happening, but it's definiely not an easy subject to address.

David said...

Like Terry said, blast her for posting first!, it took us years of debate to choose who would get the girls if we died. But, we finally decided and called the people that day. They were more than willing to do it for us, which was a relief. We had our wills made up, now they are sitting there in our drawers waiting to be signed and witnessed. Thanks for the reminder!

Dorky Dad said...

I've given this a lot of thought, and The Wife and I have talked about it some, and we know where our child would go. But it scares me, because I don't want my boy growing up without a dad.

Jessica said...

Hummm....I bet you were thinking that because you love your little guy sooo much that you wonder what his life would be like without you! Hopefully you will never have to know.

Do know though, that God would take care of it. He wants all of his children to be happy...even if something heartbreaking like this would happen. There would be a reason for it and he would learn and grow from it. Just remember: Worry ends where faith begins!!

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

Oh My Gawd I worry about this!!!!!!!!!!!! Constantly.

I can't even talk about it...but

yes, I worry...

My sister has agreed to care for Matthew... but then he would have to go to daycare, and due to his conditon.. that would not be a good thing... oh....

Oh... I just pray.

Tracey said...

Oh yes. No control in life sucks at times, doesn't it? I hate going to bed with that on my mind.

Lisa M. said...

I wanted to throw my two cents in here-

I think, it is a perfectly normal thing, for a parent to be anxious and wonder about this from time to time.

I actually think it is healthy. We live in a very fast paced world, and we never know. EVER, when something can change on a dime.

I appreciate your candor.

Busy Bee said...

I use to obsess about this very thing, but I stopped, it was a waste of time. As a military member, I have a plan set up for Sierra and that gives me much comfort. I'm also comforted to know that, when and if I die, Sierra will be financially set with my life insurance money. Me dying doesn't scare me, she'll be fine, it's her dying that scares me. I now know why parents are sad when they out-live their child. I wouldn't want that at all! I want her to live a full and happy life until a ripe old age. This is to sad, I need to stop now.