Just Barely

I just barely wrote a poem over on Liam's blog. I am no poet but I needed something to accompany the great photo I took of him this evening. I needed to express the deep love I have for him. The love that jumped out at me once again when he reached for me to get him out of his carseat today. Just his movement, it gets me emotional. He will not stay this small, he will not keep some of these baby/toddler mannerisms - and dang it, it makes me really sad!

I just want to drink it all in, but how?

I am terrified that I am going to forget all this goodness.

You know, I never thought I would be one of those possesive mothers that never just LETS GO! I have an aunt that is kinda overbearing and considers her kids babies and they are MY age. She won't let go and that has always bugged me. Now I fear I will be exactly like her.

Granted, Liam hasn't verbalized any of his feelings, wants or goals. I may know him better than anyone, but I don't know who he is just yet. He may be easy to let go of. I may trust him more than I trust myself one day. I do hope that is the case.

I want to be a mother that can let go when my child becomes an adult.

Here's hoping.

9 comments:

Tracey said...

But he WILL always be your baby, no matter how old either of you are. You may just have to acquire a better way of hiding it than your aunt! I CAN NOT believ that my boys are 8 and almost 5... impossible. I look at them and think back to my own mother, and how she must have felt about my sisters and me back then... and I get all weepy and call my mom!

Katie said...

The has to be a nice balance between the two exrtremes. I don't know if any parent ever finds it truly easy to let their children go. We invest so much of ourselves into them that each breaking away feels a bit like we are losing a piece of ourselves.

That being said, I do think that there is a difference between 'helicoptor parenting' and adoring our kids. Letting Liam learn from his mistakes like you do (think the faceplant-from-the-couch stage) is a way to express love and teach independence.

Maybe children become more beligerant as teenagers and letting them have their space is easier. (enter shrug here)

Kayelyn said...

I have thought these thoughts with all of my children. And I have to admit that letting go with Steven right now is very hard. The others are still close and still include me in their lives a lot. I am thankful for this.

Gina- you are a wise mom and associate with others who are adept at parenting. You will know when to pull back some and when to move in close.

In my listening to a book on CD- How to Parent the Adult Child I learned that you will always be the parent even when they are grown. And from experience I have learned that I can enjoy each phase of my children's lives (even teens) and grow closer to them and still feel the overwhelming love that you feel for Liam.

Sorry so long!

Tori :) said...

You're a great parent Gina and I think any great parent will know when the time to pull back is here. I always worry my daughters-in-law won't like me. Is that weird??

Anna said...

Oh girl..I hear you on this one! It's funny...I don't feel myself doing this with my oldest child...she's 6. But my son...my BABY...hehe..who is 3....I can NOT keep from babying him. It's like I'm just not ready to "let go" as you said. I know he's my last "baby"..so I just keep hanging onto that with him. I could totally see me letting him live here till he's 40...and yes I'll still do his laundry & clean his room....and cook for him...and whatever else MY BABY needs!! hahaha

Terri said...

Humm....

well being the mommy of a 21 month old and a 24 year old ...*giggle giggle*

I can say that I still call my oldest son ALL THE TIME ... I would love it if he moved back home with me...

I worry my head off when it's raining and I know he's driving...
when I call him when it's raining..
he just answers the phone laughing... "HI MOM, I'm driving careful.."

When he graduated from high school, I cried my eyes out the entire time ... his little life flashed by me ... and I couldn't believe it was over ... (you know what I mean)... it was heartbreaking... I thought I would be all excited... but I wasn't....
so

I got empty nest syndrome BAD...

I bought a parrot to help me...
that helped...

then we got another parrot...
that was fun...

but then...
I DECIDED TO DO THIS FUN AGAIN and have another one...

WOOT!

You won't want to cut those apron strings either...

Mike is always yippin at me to "cut those apron" strings...
it's hard...

I love my babies soo much.
I think us Mom's are allowed...
WE MADE THEM! HEE HEE!

XOXO
GINA, you're such a great mom..
Liam is a lucky lad.

Suzanne said...

Wait until you have to leave Liam at Kindergarten for the first time! I think I stood outside the classroom for a good 5 minutes when I took "D", trying to will myself to walk away. It wasn't that he was going to be away for a long time, it was just that once school started, I knew I'd never really have him fully to myself again...

I think you're a great Mom! Just record as much as you can of his life and you won't forget! :D

longdistancegrandma said...

Your children never grow up in your heart. You and Heidi still bring me the greatest joys and pain. I pray everyday that you will have all the love and support you deserve.

Amber said...

I think they help us along the path, really they do. My husband and I took a recent trip and I was SAD about leaving the kids and talked about it all week. Finally, my 2-year-old daughter said, "Mommy, don't worry. You're coming back!" As if to say get over it. And you know what? I did!