Let me just start this post off with a Mommy Milestone:
I was away from my baby for 8 hours today. That is THE longest I've ever been without him. It broke my heart. I was in tears when I found out I wouldn't be able to pick him up on time. This milestone is certainly NOT a happy one.
That said, it was a cruddy work day. I had a 9am meeting that I had to conduct this morning. So I dropped Liam off at the sitter at 8:30. Luckily we got up early enough that he didn't feel totally deprived of his mom by the time we were separated. Generally when I leave him in the mornings, he is very clingy and not happy to say good bye. I rarely have to switch my schedule like this. I usually work from home until noon.
So I got to work, conducted my meeting, then met with my boss for a few minutes to talk about another project. To my disappointment, I was given a deadline that basically gave me no choice but to stay in the office instead of leaving early (since I got in early). I wasn't sure what to do. The sitter, Shari, had made plans around me picking Liam up at 2pm. Ian couldn't get off work early to pick him up. And our back-up sitter, Rose, had prior commitments she couldn't break. I was in tears on the phone with her. I felt pressured to be at the office, and even IF Rose could have taken him, I didn't like the fact that two sitters would be passing MY child between them. He should see his mom before he sees another sitter. There should be at least 19 hours between sitters. It just wasn't fair.
I called Shari after trying to compose myself. I told her my situation. She had already found a road block against her plans to leave when I was to pick Liam up. She was going to be available until 4:30 now. I profusely thanked her. She really picks up the slack I give her. I appreciate her support very much. She loves my baby as her own. She understands my struggles. She doesn't ever make me feel bad for being in a crunch. Crisis averted. Yet my insides still were unsettled because of the long block of time I was going to be away from my baby. My workload gave me anxiety too. Could I get it all done by 4pm?
So 3:59 rolls around and I realize there was a large section of my document that wasn't complete. I didn't reach my goal by the deadline I was given. I was so mad at the situation! I was mad I couldn't meet the standards my boss gave me. He pretended to be fine with the work I did and let me go at 4:03. I was really ticked. Why couldn't time have stood still for me today?
I sped to Shari's house. Feeling guilty for adding to her workload today. Feeling guilty at the realization that I had never been away from my baby THIS long.
I ran to her front door and opened the door to an adorable toddler just having a good time, not missing ME at all. I scooped him up to hug and squeeze his tiny body. I kissed those soft cheeks and hugged him some more!
Shari said Liam was a happy kid all day. He took a good nap too. Thank heaven for a sweet and mild little boy.
This week is going to be a monster work week. I hope I can stretch the clock somehow and get everything I need to done. Don't be surprised if my next post is titled "Another one of those days..."